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Ecosystems
31 March 2021 -
Cycle of Utopia
27 March 2021 -
The Long Journey Home
25 March 2021Continue reading →I grew up in Bath, then left for Uni. 17 years later I am back. It has always been a base of some kind, my registered address, the place to come “home” to from my transient travels.
But now I’m experimenting to make it my home properly. As an adult. Not just to accept what it has or has not got to offer, but to be the place where I can contribute and shape it for my needs. Where I am not a consumer of the city, but an active participant.
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Loss
22 March 2021Continue reading →Loss
I’ve lost three people I loved dearly. All of them otherwise fit and healthy, in mind and body. For any of them I would have done anything to keep them had I known about something I could do. But loss doesn’t work like that, they were not mine to keep.
There were many aspects of loss across the three. Two died, one is still alive. One died young and suddenly, the other older and more slowly. One accident, one illness, and one separation. One loss felt like the process of life taking its course, the other two felt ripped apart from me.
All of them now intertwined. I try to see them as the events they were, or “things that happened”, not reflections on me, such as “why does everyone I love go away?”. I try to see any opportunity to grow through any suffering.
After the first loss, the tragic death of my brother in an accident, I felt like absorbing his energy into me, to say “fuck it” to life somehow. I was angry too, that so many people who seem to care for nothing in their life continue to live, yet he died.
The second loss, the death of my mum, was more peaceful, gradual, expected, and as good as it could ever be given the circumstances, but so deeply unfair. She had done everything she could to keep healthy in mind and body. She had reached a point of contentment in her life after many struggles of various kinds over the decades. Losing a parent is also a big moment and for me reveals the somewhat amorphous shape that is the rest of my life.
The third loss is the least understandable to me. Still very recent. There is no certainty to fall back on as it was a separation, and a choice of theirs. One which I suspect I will never truly understand. I think it will teach me a lot about the many hurdles there are in giving and receiving love. I believe these kind of moments give me the biggest clues about what is really going on under the surface of my everyday persona. Now I’ve peeked inside, I don’t want to waste that opportunity to explore. I just wish we could have explored together.
Loss is intrinsic to life. It couldn’t be any other way. One of the things that has always helped me with loss is the sense that it is a profoundly human experience to have. Connecting us across all people and all time, in the same way that looking up at the stars at night connects us with humans that lived thousands of years ago.
After loss possibly comes growth, or new life. This is something that worries me at times, as I can feel more life leaving than life arriving. In some very simple ways too, my family used to have four generations of mothers alive, now it has two.
One of the long term confusions of my life has been how to integrate my personal reality with that of other people, and then those with the greater whole we exist in. I never really found any ways to do this that worked reliably, so it’s been slow progress, and a constant evolution. This is now the topic of growth or new life for me.
It’s possible, even normal, to live a siloed existence, keeping each of personal, relationship, family, project, work, politics, economics, and spirituality separated from each other. But to me it feels important now to reunite them somewhat, to find out how they can nurture and sustain each other within an ecosystem. That feels like a pathway towards resilience, both personally and for our wider society. We need more resilience for the losses coming our way.
It’s unfortunate that it’s only when losing something do I really realise what it was.
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Patriarchy
03 February 2021 -
Autumn Kanthaus Evaluation
21 November 2020Continue reading →This is the text I read out at my kanthaus evaluation on 3rd November 2020. I lightly edited it afterwards for clarity and added the reading list.
I see this more as an evaluation of kanthaus in the context of me and my experiences.
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My departure from the Trustroots team
15 July 2020Continue reading →I originally wrote this and shared with the other contributors, but want to include it in my public writings now, I’ve removed the names of the people.
I’m always in many minds about whether to share my thoughts/feelings like this, but I wish everybody did it more, so here goes…
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Updates on 2018-10-23
23 October 2018Continue reading →My late 7th weekly update entry. Trip is ongoing.
This will be very minimal. I have no time to reflect right now!
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Updates on 2018-10-15
15 October 2018Continue reading →My 6th weekly update entry. Trip begins!
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Updates on 2018-10-07
07 October 2018Continue reading →My 5th weekly update entry. New Lanark, social.coop, Debt, Wobbly, 35c3…
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Updates on 2018-10-01
01 October 2018Continue reading →My 4th weekly update entry. One day late this time. Maybe two by the time I’ve finished writing.
Lots on social.coop infrastructure, hosting my parents, …
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Updates on 2018-09-23
23 September 2018Continue reading →Edition 3 of my weekly entries.
Moving into house, pondering about FareShare, bit of code stuff, buying a bike…
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Updates on 2018-09-16
16 September 2018Continue reading →What I did last week
Visit foodsharing Edinburgh
I visited foodsharing Edinburgh and met up with Nicola Wilson from The Shrub Co-op. I hadn’t really planned what I was going to say, but gave a walk through of Karrot including how it works on the android app. I was pretty pleased with how it looked and worked :)
It seemed to fit their needs quite well - co-ordinating regularly scheduled pickups and recording the weight afterwards. At the moment they get people to sign up to a regular pickup, but that might just be because it is too hard to have a more dynamic structure - that’s something that Karrot allows more easily.
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More direction
09 September 2018Continue reading →I have never been someone who is singularly focused on doing one thing really well. At various times I might feel admiration, appreciation, or jealously towards those people. It seems like it might be easier live like that and to know what to do at any given moment.
In any case, I am not like that. Maybe those people aren’t like that either.
At any one time there are many different directions that interest me - maybe I should work hard and save up some £££ so I can do some kind of project with it, maybe I should get more involved with existing initiatives that seem good and can use some of my skills, maybe I should find a bit of forest to live, maybe I should do more bike touring, walking, hitch-hiking, exploring, maybe I should finally leave the comforts of being in the first world, maybe I should stay in/near a city for long enough to get involved properly, maybe I should push to start a family, … I could probably go on.
I am liable to drift in between all of these things though, so want more tools to help that process.
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Being productive whilst travelling?
13 June 2017Continue reading →I left this blog quite for a long time, I never really wrote much on it anyway. It was going to be for technical articles, probably to build my online presence as a computer programmer. It might still become that, but it will also be my general blog now too, where I write about my pondering, travelling, etc.
I also have my ponderings github repo, I am not sure how the content on these two sites should overlap.
Anyhow! I recently started nomadic bike touring again (nomadic meaning I don’t have a fixed base to go back to). I did this 5/6 years ago (see ontheroad.nicksellen.co.uk) and stopped because:
- my money was decreasing, it clearly had an end, if not now then when…
- I had a compelling offer to go back down south and do some work
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How to escape text for adb shell input
11 August 2016Continue reading →Just a tiny script containing one sed command to escape input suitable for use with
adb shell input text
command.Make it exectuable then move it somewhere on your path :)
Makes it possible to enter complex passwords for example. Example in combination with pass:
adb shell input text $(pass amazon | adb-escape-text)
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How to manage private npm modules
17 April 2015Continue reading →For a recent project I was wondering what the best way to share node.js code across projects without publishing modules publically to npm.
The node.js ecosystem is all about sharing code publically and it’s super easy to do this entirely from the comfort of the command line with
npm publish
and friends. It’s quite a joy actually.However, sometimes the code must stay private, but you still want nice modular npm modules. This scenario is less well supported by npm - npm themselves says:
Lots of companies using Node.js love the “many small modules” pattern that is part of the Node culture. However, splitting internal applications and private code up into small modules has been inconvenient, requiring git dependencies or other workarounds to avoid publishing sensitive code to the public registry.
Difficulties related this topic are well discussed:
- https://gist.github.com/branneman/8048520#comment-972519 - this is about 1.5 years worth of discussion on the topic, including some of the key node.js community
- http://injoin.io/2015/01/31/nodejs-require-problem-es6.html
- https://github.com/npm/npm/issues/7426
I actually found a solution pretty quickly that I’m happy with but I wanted to dig a bit deeper into the alternatives.
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nREPL with laziness in Clojure
26 October 2013Continue reading →I was using Clojure to process github repos for use in libsearch.nicksellen.co.uk and ran into a problem. I had a function that was going through each repository and pulling out the useful information. This is quite time consuming as I use multiple API calls per repository and so I wanted to print some output to show progress.
The problem was that I was only seeing output printed after the entire operation had finished.
I'm quite new to Clojure and there are multiple things that might have been involved:
- Clojure uses lazy sequences in a lot of places - values are only calculated when needed
- in functional languages side effects are kind of special, and writing to
stdout
is a side effect - I was running the code inside Emacs Live in a Leiningen REPL - that's a lot of layers in which to add behaviour
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A framework for writing graph-based apps
12 August 2013Continue reading →I've been working on a framework for building apps by describing them as a sequence of connected operations forming a graph. It's an early stage but reasonably functional. It's not publicly available at the moment.
It has some relationship to:
This is a quick overview of a few aspects of it.
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Off to the USA (by boat)
12 January 2013For the next 10 days I’ll be somewhere in the Atlantic on this boat – Independent Voyager.
You can track it’s progress and see general details on the Marine Traffic website. Don’t worry if it disappears in the middle of the Atlantic, it doesn’t appear to track the boats all the way across.
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Data storage and backup
11 January 2013I'm evolving my data storage policy (personal/work/everything), the first step is categorising my data according to usage patterns. The dimensions I need think about are storage size, access requirements, ability to replace to data if lost, and security sensitivity.Continue reading → -
Occupying Edinburgh
21 February 2012Continue reading →I spent 5 days with Occupy Edinburgh in The Meadows. I had cycled from Perth that day after a lazy morning because I was asuming there weren’t many hills, there were, and the sustrans route wasn’t doing much to avoid them. I arrived into Edinburgh at around 9pm (long into the darkness) planning to turn up at the protest camp and see if I might be able to stay; the other option was to continue the ride a bit further down to mortonhall campsite, or to pester a friend at short notice.
I didn’t really know what to expect as I cycled across the muddy field to the camp – it’s hard to even see the encampment at night time from the paths around the park – as I arrived the occupants had heard me approaching and called out to me, they get a fair bit of interaction from passer-bys of good and bad nature so are wary of noises outside. I popped inside the tent to find two people huddled in blankets in the cold, they were immediately friendly and welcomed me to stay and helped me carry my many bags into the main tent. This is a remarkable thing to occur in the middle of a large-ish city – a total stranger arrives and is immediately welcomed. I think my touring bike and received pronunciation accent mark me out as an unlikely criminal or trouble-maker but I imagine I would have been welcomed without these things.
A beautiful morning over the Meadows
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6 months on the road, a retrospective
06 February 2012Continue reading →I left London around 6 months ago now without much of a plan or probably much apparent reason why I would do such a thing. I was living in shared accommodation which was very nice (a large warehouse space), I did work which I found interesting and paid well, I had nice friends to do nice things with.
However I had a niggling feeling something had to change, my thoughts were that I knew I wouldn’t want to be living in shared housing forever (it’s my main problem with shared housing – everybody is just waiting till they start their “real life” rather it being their proper home). I’m also not so motivated by regular career progression or gathering many more items.
Something had to change at some point, and so why not now?
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It got quite windy up here…
11 December 2011 -
The cutest little piggies in the world!
11 November 2011They’re about 2 weeks old and live (for now, mwahahaha) on a Scottish croft that’s aiming for self-sufficiency. I’m told they’re going to be very yummy.
I love the way they sleep in a big pile of piggy!
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Continue reading →
I was initially a bit anxious about the idea of cycle touring through Scotland as Winter approached but so far my fears have been unfounded and there are a good number of positive aspects. I am aware that it will still get colder still, but all these positives should stay valid.
(Celtic Winter traditionally starts on 1st November celebrated by the Samhain festival)
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Reading: Parliamentary Reform 1785-1928
31 October 2011Continue reading →I just finished reading Parliamentary Reform, 1785-1928 by Sean Lang and this is approximately what I learnt (some if it I knew before to some extent).
The book itself is intended as a study guide for A-Level History students and has questions and worked answers.
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Ascending Ben Nevis
30 October 2011Continue reading →Ben Nevis is the highest mountain in the UK (1344 meters / 4409 feet) located a couple of miles from Fort William, Scotland. I’m not particularly inclined to do things just to feel I’ve ticked a box and walking up and back down the same route feels kind of pointless. My brother asked me whether I was and I pondered for a bit and decided whilst I was there it would be something to do, there might be a nice view!
In summary it was fantastic – surreal arctic-like conditions.
an american walking towards me (still someway off the summit)
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Reasons to love Scotland: #1 Bothies
25 October 2011Continue reading →Bothies are dotted all over Scotland (maintained by the Mountain Bothy Association), they are basic accommodation to be used by anybody, aimed at walkers and climbers needing shelter in remote locations.
I’ve only stayed in one so far and it looked like this:
Corryhully bothy near Glenfinnan
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Strong winds
22 October 2011Continue reading →I got my tent just in time for some winds that my tarp would probably not have survived.
somebodies failed tent – I watched the owners come back after their day out looking a little dismayed (the bench didn’t blow there it’s to stop it from totally blowing away)
Here’s some videos of my tent in the same winds that caused that.
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Winter is coming
20 October 2011Continue reading →The tarp has been a great way to camp (see my earlier post about the tarp) – it’s so small, light, discreet, and gives a wonderful sense of being really in the outdoors.
However it has some limits and this trip is not supposed to be a macho endurance test to show how tough I am – days on end of rain and frequently heavy winds are more than a tarp can really be asked to handle. I’ve adapted my tarp setup to be as enclosed as possible and I’ve kept warm and dry in some pretty windy and rainy nights but I don’t want too many more times like this (this isn’t the worst of it):
The time has come to upgrade to something more substantial: a tent
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The West Highland Way
14 October 2011Continue reading →The West Highland Way is a 96 mile route from Milngavie (on the outskirts of Glasgow) north to Fort William. It’s primarily a walking route but bikes are permitted – you have to decide whether it will be passable though.
The terrain varies and some would be passable on a full-on road bike, whereas some would be only barely passable with the toughest full suspension mountain bike and no luggage. As I have a tough but very heavily loaded bike I was cautious – only if the track had TWO dotted parallel lines (i.e. a “road” of sorts) then I’d give it a go. I also did small sections of single track and lifted the bike over a few styles which is not fun.
There is also many opportunities to meet people along the way and I found at my penultimate stop I recognised 10-12 people in the bar and had spoken to 5 or 6 them. On a related note, in that bar one guy actually recognised me as I had cycled past him about a month ago near Newcastle! (we didn’t even have a conversation the first time round).
Overall it has been simply stunning with some breathtaking views and a very “spiritual” experience…
section across Black Mount (thats what it says across my map anyway)
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Wild swimming
12 October 2011Continue reading →As the year is getting on now I might not have many more opportunities for wild swimming. It might be a good time to reflect on the lovely times I’ve had so far. Wild swimming has become quite popular to talk about (there is a book about it) – although I get the impression people don’t get around to doing it that much.
I have the book about it but haven’t actually swum in any of the places it’s mentioned – it did undoubtedly inspire me though. Here’s a set of pictures to inspire you – there are SO many lovely places to swim…
Note: there is a fair bit of my flesh on show in these photos, so do/don’t look depending on how you feel about that!
my first swim – in a small stream off a footpath
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Managing clouds
09 October 2011Continue reading →I just got back from a visit to London – the purpose of the trip was to carry on with a project I had started earlier in the year before I left on my trip. I had made most of it but it was not sufficiently ready to put into production without a little bit of a nudge from me.
This is going to be a reasonably technical post explaining how the system works.
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Bikes on trains
06 September 2011Continue reading →I made a train journey recently that left me near foaming at the mouth after a train which I had paid £120 for a ticket on left the station despite having plenty of room for me and my bike.
the one that left was like this but without my bike on it
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This nearly cost me a lot of money
29 August 2011caused by total failure to notice large vertical section of the route in front of me. had I fallen to the right instead I don’t think I my laptop or phone would have survived.
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Continue reading →
Whilst in Hebden Bridge I was invited on a night bike ride by Keith from Nutclough Housing Co-op. It is a northern version of the Dunwich Dynamo which I used to do in London. It doesn’t quite attract the same numbers yet though – 5 versus 1000s.
Flamborough Flim Flam 3 from Flim Flam on Vimeo.
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Radical Rumours
25 August 2011Continue reading →Radical Routes has a newsletter type thing called Radical Rumours where members can write about what has been going on. I wrote an entry for Nutclough Housing Co-op whilst I was there and this is it:
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Hebden Bridge (featuring Nutclough Housing Co-op)
21 August 2011Continue reading →I spent five days in Hebden Bridge staying with Nuclough Housing Co-op. I was interested to have a peek out how this kind of living works and keen to help out where I could.
Hebden Bridge town centre
relaxing in the garden of Nutclough Housing Co-op
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Manchester
20 July 2011Continue reading →Note: this is being written slightly belatedly as I’m behind with my blogging, sorry! I left Manchester about a week ago now…
walking down a main shopping street
I spent my time in Manchester staying with Tim and Heather – when I stay at a place I like to fit in what might have been going on anyway and I think I more-or-less achieved that ! :) – assuming they eat such yummy food all the time.
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My feelings
10 July 2011Continue reading →My lovely sister Vanessa wanted to know about my feelings, I looked it up and it means:
An affective state of consciousness, such as that resulting from emotions, sentiments, or desires
The best answer is: it depends.
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Forests and communities
07 July 2011Continue reading →Just a quick post to let you know I’m ok ! :)
Had a beautiful morning cycling through forests (Sherwood), a quick swim in a lake, and just had “the biggest breakfast you serve” with a latte for £3.45.
a lovely part of Sustrans Route 6 through Sherwood Forest
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Not so pretty England :(
04 July 2011Continue reading →Not everywhere is quite so nice as in my “pretty England” post. The not pretty places are often found “tacked” on to the edge of perfectly nice looking towns.
I’ll add to this set as I go along, there will be plenty more un-pretty things to photograph
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Lincoln
04 July 2011Continue reading →I took a day out to visit Lincoln. It’s surprisingly nice (I only say “surprisingly” because I had no idea what was here before I arrived). I’m fast on my way to becoming a history bore and Lincoln has been the perfect place to hone my skills.
A nice view in Lincoln
The things that I found are:
- a magnificently large Cathedral
- a lovely old castle
- one of the only 4 original copies of the Magna Carta (inside the castle)
- a lovely and cute “old town” area on the hill with cobbled streets and cute shops
- a waterfront area with all your favourite/hated chain restaurants
- a nice archaeology museum showing progression of man from ice-age to modern day
- people that actually sound Northern
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The Fens & Croyland monastery
04 July 2011Continue reading →The Fens is a very flat area where people struggled for 2000 years to drain the land so it can be put to productive use. The Romans made the first efforts, then a Dutch man (Cornelius Vermuyden) tried with some success in the 17th Century, then finally in the 19th Century a lasting solution after the steam engine allowed the water to be pumped out properly.
There is a lot of stuff growing there now – I saw cauliflower, spinachy stuff, oats, wheat, etc…
spinachy stuff growing in the Fens
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No tent!
02 July 2011Continue reading →I don’t have a tent with me, instead I’m using a bivy and a tarp. It’s my first trip using this combo and I didn’t actually try it out before leaving.
So far the benefits over a tent are:
- flexible structure that can suit the situation – low and discrete / high and spacious
- can safely cook inside it
- space to sit up and read or get changed
- very lightweight (400g for a large tarp)
my first ever tarp, erm, erection – a classic A-frame shape between two trees
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Coffee o’clock
02 July 2011Continue reading →I love having a cup of coffee and was going to take a cafetierre but was fortunately persuaded to take the much more sensible single cup filter type device (with paper filters). Workhouse coffee in Reading can take credit for that – it’s my favourite and possibly the best coffee shop in the world.
a coffee break in the lovely Crown Lakes Country Park near Peterborough
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Restricted byway
01 July 2011Continue reading →Oh thats what they mean by “restricted”
the style stile I lugged all my gear over, not fun!
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Oh pretty England!
01 July 2011Continue reading →I’ll keep adding to this set as I go along so it’ll grow…
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Mobile office
30 June 2011Continue reading →I have got quite a lot of gear on me (as pointed out by John East in a comment on my last post) – it enables me to have my mobile office ! :)
sat with my laptop doing a spot of blogging and working after having had a nice bacon baguette and coffee breakfast
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Actually on the road
29 June 2011Continue reading →After months of painful research and preparation (it wouldn’t have taken months if I wasn’t also doing fulltime+ working hours) I have actually managed to leave. At one point I had hoped to already have left by the 10th June (the day my brother died in 2007) but I am glad to be out now.
my first ride on my fully laden bike
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Tangle free cord
25 June 2011Continue reading →Useful guide on how to store a length of cord without getting it in knots.
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MAMP with MySQL ruby gem
25 June 2011Continue reading →The problem
Installing mysql2 (0.2.6) with native extensions /Users/nick/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.8.7-p334/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.8/rubygems/installer.rb:533:in `build_extensions': ERROR: Failed to build gem native extension. (Gem::Installer::ExtensionBuildError) /Users/nick/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.8.7-p334/bin/ruby extconf.rb checking for rb_thread_blocking_region()... no checking for mysql.h... no checking for mysql/mysql.h... no ----- mysql.h is missing. please check your installation of mysql and try again. -----
Ok, so we need the headers
Fortunately you can download MAMP source form their website - this gives you a .dmg with lots of .tar.gz files, you just need the mysql one.
I tried just copying the include directory as it was - but loads of the header files have variables that need replacing.
Let's compile this thing
compilation uses cmake, so ensure you have that first.
tar zxvf mysql-5.5.9.tar.gz cd mysql-5.5.9 cmake . make mkdir /Applications/MAMP/include/ cp -r include/* /Applications/MAMP/include/ cp libmysql/*.dylib /Applications/MAMP/Library/lib
yay!
Installing mysql2 (0.2.6) with native extensions Your bundle is complete!
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Inspirations for the trip
24 April 2011Continue reading →My holidays tend towards self-powered long distance journeys by bike or foot. Each trip taught something new about what I like – the inspiration for this trip is a combination of all my previous trips and thoughts I’ve had for improvements:
- I like talking to people en-route so English speaking countries are preferable
- I don’t like having a sole purpose of covering distance
- wild camping is good for finding special locations – campsites are too often sanitised (and can be expensive given the small amount of time and space I use)
- I’d rather feel a trip is more of a [temporary] lifestyle than a holiday
Given these points I’ve come up with following ideas:
- stay entirely within Britain
- have no fixed destination or timescale
- take ‘extra’ things for something to do other than cover distance (laptop, camera, audio recorder)
- visit people or places along the way of interest (friends, communities, ‘sights’)
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Listing files within a Solaris package
28 January 2010Continue reading →I don't often require this but always forget the command each time. Previously I had used:
pkgchk -l
| grep Pathname ...but whilst stumbling around I found the much more succinct (and undocumented as far as I can see):
pkgchk -L
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Compiling Nokogiri gem on Solaris 10 with Sun Studio
28 January 2010Continue reading →It turns out the nokogiri build script makes a few too many assumptions:
- it tests for Solaris-ness by checking target_os is solaris2 where on Solaris 10 it is solaris2.10
- it assumes gcc and sets a bunch of invalid CFLAGS such as -Wall
- it doesn't let me specify a custom lib/include directories - it failed to find my iconv because of this (furthermore after adding the paths manually misleadingly it still said it couldn't find them but the problem was the options passed to cc were incorrect)
- further down the line something decided it knew where Sun Studio was. It was wrong. to be fair this probably wasn't nokogiri's fault.
Update
I've ended up using gcc for compiling ruby related things which knocks out problems 2-4.
However I started seeing problems with a vasprintf symbol not found (similar to this problem). The problem is the same as my point 1 above (in ext/nokogiri/extconf.rb line:22):
should read
For reference
# ruby -rrbconfig -e "puts Config::CONFIG['target_os']" solaris2.10
Update 2
It's fixed by this commit
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Tools for extracting text from PDFs and Microsoft Word documents
07 January 2010Continue reading →This is a quick roundup of the tools that can be used to extract text from PDFs or Word documents.
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What's the difference between an event and a notification?
05 January 2010Continue reading →A common thing to expect from a web app is some kind of event feed:
peter liked your photo
joe is also going to see blur next week
your mum returned home
Another common thing is to receive emails when things happen:
your photo has been approved
you are now friends with angie
john sent you a message
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Modes of working
22 December 2009Continue reading →I've noticed a few things have a similar pattern of working:
- analyse environment and makes plans (logical orderly "left brain" thinking)
- get immersed in immediate goal, following intuition along the way (more creative "right brain" thinking)
- get lost or confused so goto step 1 (broken brain thinking)
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Track my cycling progress
24 June 2009Continue reading →
In preparation for attempting a double dunwich dynamo (i.e. there and back) I made a web app to track my progress. I've had it on all week so far tracking my progress to and from work to observer how it works. I've noticed a few things:- it actually works, yay!
- I appear to be able to cycle straight through buildings
- I can't cycle very fast
- this is a gross self inflicted invasion of privacy